Marina Joyce Music

When I started writing this blog, I didn’t really have a plan. I sort of thought “I’ll write some shit, people might read it, and then I’ll write some more shit”. I didn’t expect pressure. Especially not from myself. I thought I’d write when I felt like writing and that would be the easy part because I have a billion things to say. But suddenly, there was a shift. I all of a sudden started to care if people were reading this blog or not. I cared about how I was being received, what the readers were thinking and how and what I should write about next.

I probably have about 8 or 9 pages of things I have started to write and have just saved on my desktop, unfinished. Or, I’d post to my blog, then take it down. Why? Because it was feeling so inauthentic. These things I was writing aren’t me and that I am really trying to say. They are this weird insecure version of me who thought I needed to sound a certain way or say a certain thing. Who cares?! That’s not what this was even supposed to be about. This is an outlet, that’s all. So now that’s all I can think about. 

I recently found myself in conversation with two teenage girls, 14 and 15. These girls are the same age as my son and daughter, so because of this, I sat in this conversation with a pre existing idea of what kids this age had to say. My interactions with my children are parent to child. Of course I listen and of course I’m interested in their interests, but nevertheless, I am their mother and so that role, that leadership, teacher, supportive role kicks in subconsciously and I become incapable of  NOT parenting them, even though I am actively listening. But what a treat to actively listen to kids I am not attached to in any way. I could just be present and listen without any obligation to be a mother or leader. Sure, I provided the adult/parent perspective to some of the topics, and so to my surprise, directly across from me, they shared the teenage perspective that I know my children would shy away from talking to their mom about. 

What a gift. They said exactly what they were thinking and feeling so honestly and eloquently and it was so amazing to witness and hear their maturity and perspective. I learned so much from them. Not only around the topics we chatted about, but about myself and how I can and do enter these conversations and moments, even if brief. 

Later the same day, I was in conversation with two men in their late 40’s. Points were shared and an opportunity to connect existed. But what I noticed; the older we get, the less we listen and the more we crave being heard. We all want to be seen and heard, but having basically the same topic of conversation with two teenage girls and later with two adult men really showed me how we change. The girls were patient, and spoke slowly. They acknowledged each others points as well as my own with an open mind and non judgemental reception. The men, however, talked over each other. They interrupted me and each other and the tone was almost one of oneupmanship… even though they were on the same page and making the same points in agreement. I don’t believe there was judgment either, but it was obvious that the men were in a hurry to get their point said to each other with no regard to what the other was thinking feeling or even saying, where as the girls were in a hurry to hold each other up and each have their moment, even if they were not on the same page. 

So when does this change occur in us? When did we become in such a hurry to say the thing we want to say so badly that instead of listening and actively conversing, we are too busy in our heads planning what we will say next? We are certainly not able to do both, we can’t listen if we are only compiling preparing our own thoughts.

I admire these girls and the way they carry themselves. It reminds me of what it felt like to be a kid. With only one job-just be a kid. My mentors have drilled a phrase into my head that I do my best to keep in the forefront of my mind constantly. “Get Kindergarten About It”. It’s one of my favourite mindsets to get into and one of my favourite things to coach because it’s the most freeing place I can be. 

When you were finger-painting or colouring as a kid, did you care? Did you have any expectation of the result? Or did you just simply embrace the moment and create something that just felt good? When you saw the puddle, did you think about anything other than how that puddle must have been put there for you to jump in? Me, I jumped. No care or worry about being soaked or muddy. I painted, with no plan or notion to be perfect. I just did what felt right. 

Obviously there are lines and limits. Kids have no filter and a touch of a filter is appropriate to have. Those things we do learn and pay attention to as we get older and I believe it’s important to know limits and even set boundaries for ones self. But I also think that we could all benefit from being just a little more kindergarten and being just a little more willing to lean into the fascinating person across from us. You never know what you might learn!

So that’s me today. I’m back to writing and creating for me and for all the right reasons! I’m back to sharing because it feels right and good, not because it feels forced or socially structured. Just little ol’ kindergarten me!

MJ